Summertime

Saturday, February 28, 2004

i was aching and hungry. but i had a yummy supper of two chicken pies, springrolls, nuts and taosuan. wooh~ going for two classes straight is not exactly the best. i nearly died doing waltz twice in a row. i took a break la, but it wasnt enough. oh well, so much for trying to lose weight.. bet after all that eating i am back to square one.

hot did well. not as well as prelims but still good. lionel msged and told me go be a good mortal. so i was. he's off to bed and he shall wake up feeling proud of himself. cos i am. michelle didnt come today. neither did she answer her calls. she replied me this morning saying she'll be there, then she disappeared. hope she's ok..

i really hope the two of them do well. quite apprehensive bout next week. i cant imagine if it were me. if i screwe up i'll just not take any calls or talk to anyone. maybe i wont even go out. hmm.. i better not screw up this time.

we should cancel dance tmr. but none of us were this far sighted last week.

had quite a nice talk with beefcake over the phone just now. he was walking back on my way home.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

after not updating for a long while, the number of hits dropped from about sixty to tenish. maybe i should wait till it reaches zero to start again.

hot is here!
haha~

it doesnt fail to amuse though it seems as if he's scared of me. :/

today i sat in the canteen and thought. filled fishy up quite a bit then i stopped. somehow everything seems to be going wrong now. sigh, i wished it wasnt like that. felt horrible yesterday at class when i was so looking forward to everything. my mood sucked. and because of that i ended up binging again. arghh..

somehow i wished i could stop caring and everything would fall into place. i wished i would be good again. i wished i would stop keeping my mouth shut and ignore everyone. i wish.. kristy said during econs today, "do you know there's a song from 'singing in the rain' called 'luckystar'?" i knew. i used to sing it a lot during syf. -gulp- -blink- i'm chasing everyone away. i shouldnt because one day when i feel like having them around again they wont be anymore. have i really lost faith in everyone?

now we've lost it all, nothing lasts forever, i'm sorry i cant be perfect.

being in a crappy mood is awful. you just dont know what to do to feel right. like, if it were sad, i'll know that sulking and talking would work and stuff like that.. but now, i'm just at a lost. so what if i bumped in to angel like..a lot recently. it doesnt do wonders. or at least the effects dont last.

i wonder if hot's apprehensive bout his results tmr. i know he is.. i miss his letters and the corny stuff and me niaoing him bout everything and him, me. take me back to the times when everything was right, when the grass is green and the sky is bright. niggy your cd rocks! :)

ok, so i'm going for pointe tmr. i shall aim to shrink back to normal. maybe being like those anorexicgirls i see everyday isnt that bad after all huh? but then again, who am i kidding.

Monday, February 16, 2004

listening to the music now. somehow i dont feel as i should when i hear my pieces. -worries- this time nothing is made for me. -guLp-

its nice talking to jay again after such a long while. good morning msg?

my mum's telling me where to find dancers. but maybe i'll just stick to who i have now.. i mean, think they're rather used to my style. whoever said dancing was easy?

"i'm bored"
-detaches cap- "really? wanna play fetch? -looks down at inner plaza-"
so i wore the cap today. :)

Sunday, February 15, 2004

yf.. saw what you wrote.. and i'll give you a hug later. a big big gigantic hugggg!

when i feel like throwing in the towel and quitting, looking at dance mags never fail revitalise me. it made me see the point (pointe). (haha, i know, thankyouverymuch -curtseY-) now i'm all confused again over what design i'd like for my new leotard. (yes, i'm making another) having second thoughts about the simple design of the violet one we just made. hmm.. again i have conceived thoughts about the dance jacket, bottle, towel and what nots about what we could get for the dancers. i'm so excited to show grace my ideas. so if you happen to chance upon such catologs again or notice if there're sales for such stuff, do let me know and pick up a copy for me k? -twirLs- this tiny tot shall skip to ballet class now. -waves-

Saturday, February 14, 2004

haha.. hey, look at this.

cheryl*, your candy heart says Hot Stuff!

When you reach into the candy heart bag, there's no doubt you're coming up with a fire red heart that reads "Hot Stuff."

pretty coincedental huh..

stuff to recall.
he said, "did i tell you i wanted a bottle? how did you know i wanted one."

he wrote, "you seem very hot, always see you around the class bench.."

he msged, "ur one week grace period is up. so have you made up your mind about -beep-? i pray you tell me..."

he made her carry his bag all around town.

here comes cheryl, still stinky in her school u and disheveled hair. unkempt school u. everyone just left her house after supper. she got back from ballet. today she shall write bout her day since it was.. fun!

went to nydc with rach!! she really enjoys going out with this bunch of pple. somehow, with them she'll never be late! haha~ had yummy spagetti and a mudpie. guess rachel will be missed. that girl still looks so pretty and woah.. scandalous! all of us.. so alike in everything. -sighs- mass toilet trips and talks about getting back in shape. somehow, its only with them that she can do such talk, it always doesnt work out with normal pple.. except, maybe waichee. :) they all check out fangxuan's erm... they did the thing they always do -wink.

today.. make that this week, cheryl is so off. argh.. smths you just dunno what's her prob. the jumps were like.. heavy and feet all odd. helpp.. everything is wrong and she doesnt know where to start. -crys- wonder if she'll be able to do it this time. -guLp-

she has decided to try out yifen's advice.

today she reached the classbench early and she didnt know what to do. haha~ hot was down there planning his stuff and she happily observed. ryan offered her a brownie that tzehao made. it was yummy. she talked to ryan a bit. ryan was contemplating singing her a song. then shing came and talked to her. i mean.. backwards huh? note: shing was the first seven c guy she noticed.. ok, maybe the only. after shing came and confessed that he knew, hot gave her a gift. then she got distracted by all her favourite friends. she is really thankful to all of them and their lovely gifts. -hugs- no one likes hot though. not lionel, not just, not ost, not weimin.. ok, not the sballers, not so for niggy, not ryan, not robin, not daniel, not so for waichee too.. they say he's des, they say he 'hard up', 'fugly'.. erm, cant remb but the list goes on. i like him though. i like to read the stuff he writes. he cheers her up and makes her smile. hot was quite disappointing. he didnt grant her wishes. weimin didnt get her angel. but she still likes hot. why? because he's hot.

she had to walk around with all the bags of stuff. talk about highly embarrassing huh? then she tried to stuff everything in her locker but it would only fit so much. after class, she was smart and put all her notes in the locker, her stuff in the bag and minimised her hand carrying stuff. but it was still quite a trouble to lug things in the hand to town. oh well.. the balloon kept threating to fly off.

she waved to angel today. and told derek he looks like ronald.
waichee, girlosophy?

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

ok, so now i'm going to change out of this pretty asia trophics top into a tee. this is such a shorts shirt. the cut is so leotardish.. if only..

ivle is real screwed. so far i have many incomplete attempts of chem, math and bio. it keeps hanging on me. urghhhh!!!

i cant wait for tmr! -squeal-
yf, i really do hope ur back gets ~~better~~ well.

should i go for mtv asia awards this year? if i do, i'll be sitting with diane cos.. er, she's too short to stand. but its on a saturday.. this saturday, and we all know what that means.

ivle is so slow its driving me nuts! argh..

i could do ivle everyday though.. its rawks to just laze around doing nothing. read so much today.. made a pizza. turkey with lots of lemon pepper and all sort of herbs cos i just love flavourful food. finished like the entire thing. yikes! i mean.. i dont eat this much in school do i. but somehow its just so addictive.

i need a cap for tmrw. i have so many but i cant find my nice one. -pOut-
i'll stand next to joe lim or smth and watch everyone run pass. -wink-

i'm very proud of my pretty hot letter to hot. too bad he took it before anyone could admire my handiwork. :/

better than the riches of this world
better than the sound of my friends' voices
better than the biggest dreams of my heart
and that's just the start.

Sunday, February 08, 2004

happy birthday sihuan!!

fly me to the moon and let me play amongst the stars, let me see what spring is like on jupiter and mars. i like my new cd. i can listen to it continually and feel utterly bouncy and not a wee bit annoyed. woah, influx of msgs. let me get distracted.

ok, so it has come down to this. i've got 3 standing tics for mtv asia awards. think i'll give them all away this year again. i mean.. you know what i mean. so my sis, jiam and lynette shall go. and i can happily go out on that same day. -twirLs-

ryan can sing.

and i dont think i want angel's contact do i..

it never fails to pop up.

stj was fun. sat with my jnrs and talked a whole lot. we shared so much. i love the chocolate cake. its refreshing to hear strange comments about my class. heh~ told lionel about the thing at heeren this afternoon. chuanwei was.. i dunno. realised tt i've been like talking to him a lot recently. hmm..

anw, i'm into this shopping mood again! helpp.. went out with bunny in the evening so i was, erm.. an hour late for stj. then after everyone left i walked around sogo admiring everthing and conceving ideas in my head. sat down at starbucks for a long while to wait. i want to visit mango again. blahh.. i want to crome cityhall again. i want to check out the mac counter. i want to... ksflwwiotjwreli. i know its like, so passe. but.. i have so many wonderful plans!! lala, i'm sprouting crap.

hmm.. i've moved on but i dont think i'll let go yet. just let me hold on a little longer. just let me linger and savour the seconds of this moment.

heard angel's song four times today. its been stuck in my head all day. grr..

Thursday, February 05, 2004

it dont make sense what can you do
so i wont try making sense of you
-lmg

lalalla~ maybe talking about it wasnt such a good idea. i didnt say what i planned to say. oh well, going out tmr. dont think i'll be going down for cross-country. dont think we'll have cheer prac tmr. heh~ i'm so useless.. but who cares :) found new music for the routine, wonder if it'll work.

yf, join us tmr?

i have a feeling. its a feeling i'm concealing, i dont know why.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

wanted to put it on ur tagboard waichee. but i guess it doesnt really matter. remind me to ask eugene to go home with me after school. feel like talking to him.

evaluation: my etude was bad. i'm doing waltz. now i just have to 1) work on those jetes, 2) make everything look flowy, 3) soften those arms, 4) lift the legs. for my dramatic i need to 1) walk bigger steps, 2) drag each action more, they're separated, 3) not smile. for the little jap dance, i'll just enjoy feeling like a kid for now. question: should i do poetic instead? i love the way it fits so well into the music. i love to just twist everything together. i need some confidence booster. i feel insecure with dramatic, my jumps feel heavy and kind of twisted. i'm afraid i wont be able to carry it off as well as it deserved to be. i'm afraid tt my jumps for waltz will look elephanty. i mean, i dont want to look any heavier than i already am.

acheived: i was right on schedule when i said i'll know my stuff by today. give me a pat on the back. -smiles-

now.. i feel like giving up. i know i told you i'll aim for next week but it felt so different today. i know i can do it. i did it once a few years back. i mean.. she said she was going to kill me. heh~ should i just leave things the way they are and back off? i'm totally alright with it. oh well, i'll just leave it till after school. :) lalalla~

Monday, February 02, 2004

everyone has left and i just got a new skirt. love it. now i just need to find the sandpaper to get the colour right. maybe it'll make its debut on sunday. :) and after that i can start on that chem test tmr.

i dont like to be alone at night, and i dont like to hear i'm wrong when i'm right, i dont like to have the rain on my shoes, but i do love you.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

rawks.
dancing really makes you feel high. it makes me happy just like that, -snap-. i love my new cd. maybe next time i'll cheoreograph a neo-ballet piece. i miss dancing with micheal. now i'm dripping with sweat and i have jts later. great, i'll have to get into a new outfit. oh well.. -shrug- wonder how come i was so warmed up. my turns were decent and my, was i energetic. i hope i can be like that on wednesday too.

looks like i've just wasted the long weekend. dang!

ironic is how dance makes me forget the troubles of dance.

just talked to weimin. -gulp-
i think they're all nice. i change my mind, ratface is not irritating. i'll just avoid him when i'm not in the mood. bodyguard should stop whistle at stuff. bleuchh.

i'm a lousy dancer.
why cant i just be normal like everyone else? helpp.. i am like "stuck in a bad patch now" (quoting weimin) and i cant get out. i think she's angry. i'm at a loss. why cant i jump higher or inject more emotions into my actions. and i have ugly hands. not scooping rice.. but still eew je elle wai. my stamina has improved but it still sucks. my leg is always bent, my feet are gross. and i'm not thin, though that doesnt matter.. it would be a plus point.

i'm a dumb dancer.
i'm like the only one who cant remb anything. its like, i practice and go through but when its my turn, i get so scared for dunno what reason and become apprehensive about the steps. arghh.. then i do the right one and change immediately to the wrong one. i mean, since when did i start getting nervous? since when was i so afraid?

i'm terrible.
i told ratface that he couldnt read me like an open book. yet today, everyone could see the fear. they could tell that i was different. they knew i was terrified. they read me. then they asked why i was down. they read me again. so much for that huh?

it sucks being lousy. because i just reached home and ate, a lot. had chocolate icecream from the tub with loads of chocolate sauce. then had taosuan. and potato chips. and a box of ritz biscuits.

can i pull out of it all? can i run and hide? argh..
notice recently i've been thinking of ways to escape from everything. i've evolved into an unconfident creature with no guts to face whatever gets thrown in my face. ~~why cant i just perform. its easier. i think.~~

andforthelasttimeidontcareaboutangelsoquitaskingifthat'sthereasonb
ehindallthis.

i just suck. and i cant help it.

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