Summertime

Monday, November 29, 2004

i was wrong. its getting boring. can i just not go for prom?

i never thought it would hurt this much. i know they existed, but i've never felt it altogether. its torture to walk. i guess i should have expected this. we're like so far back where we started. even worse actually. i never had a case this. the only thing i could use to back it all was style. and even that was hard. no strength, no stength.

when i walked in.. late (cause no one wanted to leave!), she went, "hi stranger." then i went to stand behind what i thought was but wasnt. i couldnt really see. amazingly she didnt mention about the size nor the exploded-ness. i suppose she expected every bit of it. just have a feeling that the standard and the unworking brain disappointed her.

idol buddy's away.
have i told you i added ballerbands to my christmas wishlist?
too bad no purple.

ouch.
man, it hit at the right time, at the right place. you're good..

oh well, i dont think anyone would actually think of themselves as.. good (in all sense of the word). generalising a little here, we're asian. its uncommon. anyhow.. guess i should have listened to intuition and did some damage control sonner.. but i couldnt really care much. its just my honest opinion, not facts, so.. yeah, dont get offended. and if it cheers you up, i'm thinking sylvester'll win this. so what if more ple, judging from my observations, like taufik. they are not the kind who bother to vote. so there. taufik's going first too.. being first to perform is never always beneficial (from experience).

Friday, November 26, 2004

when she said, "who's more singaporean?"
they answered, "sylvester." without missing a beat.

ouch. i was just appalled. i dont know what it was. the dyed hair? the being chinese? the lack of good looks? -thinks- how can they related themselves to him? i certainly dont. i know like him, my english is terrible.. but still! why cant taufik be singaporean. or, why any less? just because he has style that is quite absent from the streets of town?

perhaps is just the lack of exposure to malays. so when we think of singapore the first impression is those around, the that-type-of-chinese. not that its exclusive or anything.. i'm sure in our heads we know that this is a multiracial society and all, with friends of other races. but its all in the head and less of the heart? face it, no one can be completely colourblind. its impossible to pretend that its not there when the difference is obvious right down to the genes. as long as we dont go round hating them for it. i dunno.. its just disturbing that someone like that is what we view ourselves to be like. ack!

oh well.. enough of my useless rambling. shall step out of my house now. goodbye.

"look around and you will find, no one's really colourblind. its a fact we just have to face."
-avenue Q

its horrible. i think TODAY should stop giving sylvester free publicity. one week is more than anyone can bear. stop it already! at this rate its no doubt he'll get it. i forbid it. urghh..

taufik is so much more talented despite what sylvester says of himself. "people will vote me for my talent." yeah.. if you have any! 'yeah' is on perfect ten. a taufik song. i liked it. actually i kinda liked him from the start without realising it. all those playbacks just now on tv reminded me of the times when i would point and say.. "he, he has potential", the same way i would do with olinda, leandra and mia.

comparing the two of them, taufik is more about his music. sylvester is more about himself. if anyone noticed, all sylvester talks about is himself and his.. 'talent'. maybe he calls all those off key notes and those un-syncopated songs 'talent-in-action', make that 'talent inaction'. haha~ its disgusting. and its getting on my nerves. and stop peering into the camera. stop that pointing. it originated from taufik. stop looking at the corner of your eye to see if the camera is on you. urghhh.. and you're not a rocker. and you're no where as good as jaychou.

taufik is just smooth. he charms me. let's see.. -thinks- i noticed him first when he looked like christopher. he's more original. the thing we see, or for me at least, is it. not an image or a false front. not obviously fake as least.. in comparison. :) he's more hardworking. you can see the effort put into interpretation. the emotion is conveyed. its entertaining. smooth. just smooth. the only thing.. is that he's getting increasingly shy, from the media. that's not exactly a good thing. recently the shyness has reached a critical level and may be detrimental. so.. dont be another jessea. there's nothing to lose. go for it.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

include: fly kites
heh~

i said rsvp cheryl!! the guys are so... you should learn from us girls. coordinated. :) i've been way too slack with me. i cant believe this. i'm printing schedules and signing up for post exams stuff even before everything. blahh.. watched joy luck club again, and hot chick! funny.. let's hope its doable. -breathes-

look what i found.
Pointe: Simply defined as dancing on your toes. Looks great, hurts like hell, and brings on an adrenaline high that no artificial drugs can bring.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

i have decided to come back from hiatus and step back in. yeah! so.. it means i must start getting back into shape. -mental note- popping another random cd in, with the back of my hair down and doing random non-conventional, or rather non-classical spins really worked. it made me come to realisation that i like it. a lot. enough to go back. so.. its down the road of hard work and criticism for me. i can take it. :)

"up a steep and very narrow stairway, to the voice like a metronome."
- a chorus line

Monday, November 22, 2004

happy birthday hot!

sorry buddy, shall spare you the torture of my singing. :)

spot on. yet again.. well almost. yuehan should polish up on his.. in my words, sharpness. heh~ speaking of which, i'm starting to lose mine. it may be days away but i'm still bugged by it. he was just behind me and i noticed. i even turned around to look. i didnt stop. why? simply cause i was.. -thinks- busy. its true huh, that a busy person looks but doesnt see. even though he msg me to get it out, the point is i didnt stop. so what if i was in a rush and had errands to run. so what.. smths i wonder what's up with me.

and for the record, i dont like it when i'm misunderstood. i know how it feels like to be tim. quit pinning me down with what i say. it makes me want to roll my eyes.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

cheryls wishes ryan a happy birthday.

option is so fun. its what makes me want to go to medical school again. too bad its too long, and there's econs too. blaghh

talked to derek again that day. i decided that maybe i'll be a teacher as second choice. its not so bad after all. so it seems.. i wonder how that girl is. i hope everything's fine. -prays-

i stuck my hand in his face a waved. it was the only way i could get him to speak. standing in front for a few minutes just wasnt working. i wonder why i frighten people. -ponders- i said that we're not in the same row. he noticed too. it was just.. so different. so cold. i wonder if i should just walk away or go back and revive it. i couldnt tell. i didnt look at the eyes. it wasnt any fun. i wonder then why i even planned to. i wonder, i wonder.

smells nice.

i looked into the depth of those eyes.

a feast for the senses

Thursday, November 18, 2004

all cheryls predictions were true. cheryls should learn to trust her instincts more. failure to do so could be detrimental, even fatal, as seen from recent episodes.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

run
running all the time
running to the future with you, right by my side
me
i'm the one you chose
out of all the people
you wanted me the most
and i'm so sorry that i've fallen
help me up let's keep on running
....

-bawls- its true. just that you didnt help me up again.
i fall hard. all the time. i dont fall easily. just each time i do its a hard one.

its not that i've yet to get over it. i have. just.. residual substrate that has yet to be reacted. i dont think it'll be gone for a while.. sorry guys. (and girls).

Monday, November 15, 2004

yanling just called. it made me think of yesterday. tim, without his fancy clothes and his styled hair, looked just like he did when he was small. i remember cos the day before, i was flipping through photos. it would be quite interesting if the both of us.. (i wont say it till its over. dont think it'll happen though.) baby cheryls and baby tim. quite cute huh. will show you the pictures one day..

Sunday, November 14, 2004

no more ma mamia for cheryls. heard its only mediocre and i'm tired of watching non fantastic performances. makes things so dreary. so far everything hasnt been very good. i found 'saturday night fever' a bit dull even though tish raved bout it.. 'singing in the rain' was no where as good nor as exciting as the gene kelly one. miss saigon, emily of emerald hill, cinderella (but that was an i-told-you-so piece), forbidden city.. bleaaughh. you get the idea. ok, forbiddencity wasnt bad. it was good actually, just didnt really appeal much.

maybe i'm picky. found 'a chorus line' extrememly good, and enjoyed 'a twist of fate'. maybe i was young and impressionable then. hmm.. i liked oliver too. and yes, mammom inc. looks like i'm not exactly the most fussy after all.. so i conclude that recently i havent been to any shows that i found good.

so.. its time to find a good christmas show to watch upon jay's request. any suggestions? anyone wanna watch syo? too bad less pple to watch nowadays.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

i think i'll take up ryan's suggestion and go get to know christopher.

so saddddddd....
"knowing that pple see me as just a pretty face was even tougher.." he said smth like that. what's so bad bout it? cheryl likes it. if sincerity backs it, that's even better. i think there'll be some behind that pretty face.
how can they cut off his swan song just like thatt..

i dont want another pretty face
i dont want just anyone to hold.
i want you when you're beautiful

heard it first on the disney channel website when i first came out. today ryan secrest named it as having potential for moving to the top forty. nice. paul mccartney. sounds almost like another aaron carter. hmm..

spent the entireee morning drawing up christmas gift list and wish list. whoopeedoo! i cant wait. its more than a month but the weather just makes it feel so.. near. i just love christmas. absolutely. i know i'm overrating it, and it'll prolly never meet up to my expectations, but it still feels great to be in such a christmasy mood.. i cant wait.

Friday, November 12, 2004

no space for new msges. its irritating me! argh!! i should just erase all... those msges huh? -thinks- not yet. :)

idol buddy.. quite apt huh?
quite relieved that olinda's still in. i forgot to vote!! i cant believe i just forgot. argh..

it was a nice walk today. i think i will make the detour and take the longer route. its scary when its dark. i know i've done it many times.. but i'd rather not do it one time too many. better safe than sorry.

feeling high today. it rawks to be happy. makes me just wanna study. so... quite telling me i should study and make me happy! -whee!- actually its prolly cause she predicted me to get four B's. i mean.. ?!?!? i dont want no four bees. :(

anyhow. idol buddy. yeabba.

i realised that happy people are more in touch with their feelings and tend to have a less coolness on their face. just another one of my hypothesis.

go look at yesterday's TODAY. taufik is wearing the shirt that i like! copycat. it goes to show that he has good taste. :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

i hate being misunderstood. -stamps-

say hi to the tagboard!! :)

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

what an eye candy day.
elle-inverse, derek, this angel-looking nj guy.
so maybe three's not alot. but.. whatever.

i must be losing my power. after darwin msged me i commanded, msg me now! and i got one from exactly who i wanted it to be. yesterday i was desperately craving for some amusement. but none came. i just got my msg a few seconds ago. how... delayed.

Monday, November 08, 2004

"come let me encourage you.. chemistry is fun."
(yes it is..) haha~ wonder why i look forward to it so much.

now that its out of the way, i shall go start revising my bio. already wasted like half the day. toodleloos, -waves-

thanks everyone for everything. it really helped. really.

i want something else that i know i wont get

when i'm down in the dumps, you come crawling back in and make me wanna like you so much more. but i wont, ~~unless~~ no i wont.

Friday, November 05, 2004

i got myself into a negative positive feedback loop. and i cant get out. stuck in a rut.
i suppose that withdrawal must have spurred a multiplier effect, reinforced by the accelerator theory to land me in this recession. i want to quit. i'm giving up. i cant do it. i know it sounds real loser and i've never said it before, but i give up. i'll never be able to attain what everybody wants, what i want. i know we're suppose to top that eighty four percent and i know we can.. except for me. i'll make history. i'll be the first student here who'll fail her exams here. and everyone shall remember me forever and ever.

i guess it's my fault for everything. for not making hay while the sun shines. i really thought i could do decently yesterday. but after stepping out, i realised that it was just my wishful thinking. she failed to rise to the occasion. so much for all that preparation huh? tough luck.

and its her fault too for not being able to get any consolation. i guessed i shouldnt have told my cousin that it was alright to be stupid when he was convinced he was. maybe i should have lied a little. actually i really dont mind failing. it sort of has become an ipsp by now. nothing to it, really. april told me to stop being a perfectionist. i know. i've stopped long ago. guess she just didnt notice.

i wonder why i dont reply her msges. i'm not close to her. its always been april and her, muru and her, me and myself. i've always been able to comfort me. dunno why its different now. i'm just not very good at academic consolation. its pointless trying to make myself think its important when i dont think it matters. just that i'll prolly not get into a school.. so out goes my theraputic sessions. i dont think i'll ever go back now. she stopped everything for it, only to be rewarded with nothing. what upsets me is that the whole world will be like, 'what a loser. gave up so much to study and still does badly.' not that i care a lot. its just that they never say it out loud. that bugs me.

i just let everything fall. without any effort to hide any of it. i used to. cause i know i look bad with a crumpy face. like my sister who covers her face when she cries. it wont make a difference to me. it wont make me look any better. i'm just an ugly person. yes, i've said it. u-g-l-y. (you aint got no alibi, you're ugly.) and in every sense of the word too. personality, looks, at handling problems.. uglllyy. gone are the times where i thought i had a perfect life. yup, i actually thought that. cant believe myself. i just amuse me smths. it only lasted for a few months though..

everything hinges on this one exam. i've no safety net. i'm just gonna free fall. maybe i'll hurt myself, maybe i wont. havent reached ground zero yet. i dont expect anyone to come to my rescue. they're all too busy trying to save themselves. good luck girl. just get over you already.

me and my imagination. we make a great couple. now, i wonder where it's run off to.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

i shifted out of my cozy spot cos the weather wasnt doing well.
i step into that crowded place and searched for a seat.
then it beeped.
"of course. i like you voice a lot. hahah.", it said.
i shit-ed under my breath.
"no. sounds like an angel. hahah. i just like it. hahah."

ssssssssshiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
and i wonder why there's no habit of using commas.

i couldnt hold out any longer. i went shopping on sunday. :(

this girl just woke up from a twelve hour sleep. ?!?!?! right. what a pig.

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