Summertime

Monday, January 31, 2005

zhong cai didnt say 'bye' to me today. :/

this week has been a really long one. it felt like one month. guess it happens when there's just too much huh? anyways, i shall note the weird things i said.

(on guys)

"i like guys who smell nice."
"i like guys with short hair."
"i wont go out with a guy thinner than me."
"i wont go out with a guy who eats less than me."
"i dont like shy guys."

smths i just amuse myself. wonder where that came from.

on another note, i'm pretty dissapointed with myself. i tried to be strong. it just became unbearable, manifesting itself in physical discomfort. bombarded from all aspects of me, i bent. just cave in. "provide a way out so you can stand up under it." hmms.. i was too overwhelmed. when i'm ever so determined, the worse it gets. i shall be prepared the next time.

Monday, January 24, 2005

what an eventful day packed with loads of fun! we should do this more often.

i must learn to be fair.

i miss everything about you.

i was looking at tim's photo of us during new year. they just brought back memories and a smile on my face. our dumb shots and classic poses. caught in the act and all.. with timmy's silly grin, joyce's dimples and my dumb smile. its as if we captured the essense of everything in those few photos. we've all grown up. i missed my chance to catch my friends over breakfast.

my photos are ready. my dad deleted some shots of me and christopher. -grr- oh wells. now there's the hassle of slotting everything in the album.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

withdrawal symptoms.
i dont wanna go back for Serve tmr.. -whines-

i can feel almost every muscle in my limbs. just nice to do attitude turns. the only problem, i sort of broke my toe. :/

fun fun funnnnn.

i was thinking how it would be great at the end when we just started. now, i change my mind. its just such a fulfilling experience. felt kinda extra initially. i dunno where to start.

i suffered two cuts on my fingers from falling in the big grass bush with thorns along the edge of each blade. i mean, what kind of plant is that huh? two minute scratchers on my wrist.

my hiking buddies. junxiang and antony. it happened cause they were trying to get to the front, and got sort of stopped cause of me. i was in the way. hahas. so they took turns one to stand in front and behind me, turning around every few steps to make sure i was alright. junxiang reminds me a little of kelvin. :) antony's just vain. almost as vain as i. he was complaining bout the mud stains on his calf and his fingernails. see, even i dont do that. haha. but quite cute.

uncle casey made sure to be behind of in front of me at the more challenging stuff, like scaling up rock cliffs and climbing between rocks. he kinda mothered me this whole time. always stuffing me with food.

and my, did we have good food. i told my mum, 'i'll be ok (asking her not to fret about what i pack), i'm gonna climb a mountain not going to a hotel k..' i was wrong. i mean, chicken stew? hmms.. pate? ba kua? and that's just scratching the surface.

it drizzled the second day. i was cold. chilled to the bone. everything was muddy. thankfully i didnt fall or anything. careful me. antony and i leaped from ~~branch to branch~~ root to root avoiding mud paths, gripped the branches and roots with our fingertips and complained bout how the wet rope, dirtied with sand, hurt our palms.

too bad didnt get to talk to zhong cai much. remember him? -grins- he was clean. and fast. taking photos and helping small boys with their steps, (while the bigger small boys helped me with mine).

when we reached the submit, we were in a cloud. as in, really. it was cold. no one believed me though. then it blew away and we could see right to ground zero. it was amazing yet slightly scary.

we swam in the waterfalls. freezing cold. the fishes kept nibbling at my toes. just feeling the water at my ankles made the hair on my arm stand. took real long before i could aclimatise and leuven kept splashing. not good. did laps the first day then sat with the water beating down my back the next. shiokk.

i passed my fire course. so i was chief fire builder for meal times. collecting fire wood is so troublesome. i got benjamin to do it. heh~ uncle raymond set up so many tests for me to pass. on the descend, he made me an officer. yayy!

eric and han-smth were singing on our descend. all the nice songs too. you should hear their 'are you gonna be my girl' with instrumentals and stuff. highly entertaining.

all of them talk a whole lot of rubbish. its truly amazing. i had a real good time just interacting with them. mostly out to tease me like tap my shoulder and stuff, or with the small ones, they try find out bout who i like and all. they tell pretty good jokes, and sing pretty off key. but as people say, its the passion that counts. this is one group that sings with gusto.

walking up the slopes, glancing at the plants. i noticed while flowers littered along a section of the path. i followed my eyes to the top of the bamboo tree. i just was still inside. many songs arose, songs that i never knew i knew. but when i engaged my mind to recall the words, i cant. that's what they say, worshiping with the spirit. sensing God's awsomeness in its fullness by being close to the things he created.

let's hope that i can remember everyone's names for next time. it'll be tough if i have to figure them out again.

mount ophir, see you in ten years time. maybe.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

am i that obvious
or if its written on my face i hope it never goes away..

today rawked.
everyday rawks actually. cool

i have a lot to say. all my doubts and insecurities. i've never really opened up directly. if i do, its always to a third person. felt fearful about doing so initially, then it felt like a mini load lifted. i dont know what to feel. i dont want to decide too quickly. just in case.

i know it doesnt just happen to me. according to third persons, the second person feels kind of insecure (that's not the exact word, but nmind k) around me too.

actually i know many things. i just need to be reassured. that there is sincerity behind those words.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

"be safe.. as in take care, dont get injured or anything."
i get amused at the slightest things. hahahah.

today was largely spent with eu. even the journey home. hmms.. smths i wonder why i'm so, weird. -thinks- it was fun nonetheless. our wars, his funny comments, the soft hair. his talent never ceases to amaze me. Serve is just real enjoyable. i'm glad i made this decision.

chistopher always reminds me of yf. so i like watching him dance.. when i'm not stonning. i aim to eat less to be ideal, (not in terms of the secular world). you wouldnt understand. let's see if i can stick to it.

i realise that recently with the new group of pple i'm mixing with, i'm missing my old friends.

i wonder how lionel, eugene, ronald, nick, and agl, plus all those i dont talk to anymore are now. i wonder if anastasia, yf, huimin and the other girls are doing fine. it seems as if its impossible to bring everything along with you when you move on. i always have to leave some behind to pick more up, sort of. if i'm lucky, they'll be there where i left them, when i return occassionally. but it doesnt always happen. smths you cant just start a conversation and expect to know the words to say. you cant expect everything to be like before. it sucks. but it happens. esp when we both change. i know i've change a lot these past few years. as it is said, na de qi, fang de xia. that's freedom apparently. so i've got to learn to let go. even if i dont really want to.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Happy Birthday Diane!!

mx is starting to scare me with the kenneth business. i really hope she's wrong.

didnt get to sit next to j today. :/ hahas.

my paintings were really off today. dang!

Sunday, January 16, 2005

oops. i missed out ttk. dont tell him k.
my six darhlings

suddenly i'm getting an influx of msges. all of them are dying. even the super fit. i feel so useless. i cant do anything to help. i cant say comforting words, cause i wont understand half of what they're going through. dont die. you have to come out and get pampered! too bad i wont be able to pamper you guys. i'll be somewhere climbing some mountain.

i dont wanna paint no more. but i havent finished.

i changed my mind. taufik's album rawks rawks rawks. rawks my socks off! hahahs. really..

jest and just. i must pronounce them properly.

byebyechristopher.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

the weight i lost over the past few days have been regained. thanks to babysitting. it sucks. cause kids only eat fast food. sigh.

anyhows, i got burnt. amazingly. exhuasted. quite fun though.. each time they wanted to scream or shout out in fright, they opened their mouths to, "taufikk!" hahaha.

i missed supper last night cause i just dropped dead on my mum's bed. didnt go meet j cause i wanted to save my energy to stay up for supper. i'm hopeless.

i thought taufik's album was bad. cheesy instrumentals masking his talent. thennn.. on the third run, i adjusted the bass. now, wooaahh. its not so bad. the second half's nice. :) really..

know what day yesterday was?
taufik's album got released. yayyys!

i couldnt stay to get him to sign my album. had to rush off for ballet. now my calves are aching like mad, even though i slacked a wholeeee lot. i hate it. i dont want bigg calves. -pOut!-

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

jestin? jestout!
haha..

somehow i feel like laughing each time i talk to ryan. i dunno why too. the things he says arent even funny. -thinks-

it's been less than a week and already.. i'm gonna open up. jestyn! lalala~ joyce, i dont blush.. you cant trick me!

i'm so easily amused.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

my tagboard's messed up. but i'm lazy to fix it.
josh> what poem?
jess> didnt see you today, hope ur school life gets better. study more this year k?
xm> i'm not thattt evil. heh~

"It's only in my dreams that I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You would think my love was really something good
Baby, if I could change the world."
i want whoever who sang it to sing it for me.
am i asking for too much? -thinks-

i'm gonna be spoilt and say i dont like it when they bring their girlfriends. -pOut- they dont talk to us. they feel oblige to entertain her, and when we take photos it has to be together. hmphf!

then again, who wouldnt mind more pretty girls. -laughs-

i look like aunty jenny today.

my mum told me to keep my curls for tmr. crazy. maybe i should really go get them permanent, like what tim has been hurrying me to do. he even offered his discount. but he wont be here to see them. oh wells, we'll see.

today maureen officially got married. what a huge rush for us. next time, i want to be backstage. the coordinator, for jia-en, made my reservations already. arent these things fun?

Thursday, January 06, 2005

a thousand million tears
dont they ever end?
how i hate spiritual warfare.

happy birthday ttk.
i'll miss you.

i'm going off now. just to get away from it all.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

i wonder why. its been so long. but somehow i still go weak in the knees.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

tim got me thinking when i chanced upon him writing his thoughts down. 2004 has been one eventful year for me. so many things happened that it feels like two years. i have so much to thank god for that i dont know when to start. since our wonderful plan was ruined, i'll do it here.

well, god has been around this year, in everything. for my ballet exams and dancewise: how else would i have been able to get what i got when i certainly did not feel up for it? to coordinate dancenight, our various performances, somehow allowing me to give a decent performance despite the lack of practices and discipline. in schoolwork: he was there to guide me through. i have never been so abysmally unprepared for any exam. the timing for my lack of mood couldnt have been better, but it would have been much much worse. i thank him for being there when i feel hurt about empty promises made, broken promises, things i do and say, and things people say to me. i thank him for sharing in my joys. i thank god for good friends everywhere. everything else is a little too personal, so.. :)

they said they usually forget to count their blessings. well, i dont. its just that i dwell on the bad stuff a lot. and if anyone realises, its usually the same stuff. meaning that i have few really bad experiences. i believe in happy endings. so i say its not the end until smth good happens.

today we sang 'through it all'. coincedentally my song for the year 2004. what a closure.

its all so quick. i realise that i'll miss all the guys when they're gone.. and its not even fifth jan yet. there it is, six years. it feels like we've just begun.

"i'm carried in everlasting arms, you'll never let me go through it all."

and i thank god for answering numerous prayers by crowning taufik singapore idol. yes, i prayed a lot.

hush.
i often ask god to grant me patience. and you're using up my last ounce. then again, i dont care what people say unless they matter to me. and you.. well, i dont even know who you are. so shut up and quit dissing me. would i clarify myself if i meant for others to misunderstanding? sheesh.

current
archives
contact
extras
reviews
guestbook
notes
profile
design
host

xLOVESx
Put your loves here.

xHATESx
Put what you here.